Funny School Moments

I've been working at Kennedy for a couple of months now, and sometimes I need to step back and acknowledge how funny the kids are, as well as Mr. Bowman--the teacher I assist.

• Mr. Bowman has a number of funny sayings, for example: "If you don't _______ (fill in the blank), I'm going to beat you like a red-headed step-child." He also teaches driver's ed. and told a teenager that he was going to "kick his ass" if he didn't write down his driving schedule.
• Landon's former student, Ben, who has Asperger's, is in Bowman's class this year. Whenever he gets in trouble, Bowman has Ben write his name on the board. Well, when Ben writes his name, he always draws a picture of Bowman, hanging with a noose around his neck on the board next to his name.
• Bowman usually has a beard and mustache. He had to play Abe Lincoln at a scout function one night, so at school he showed up with his mustache shaved and his beard shaped like Lincoln's beard. The kids hadn't said anything until Bowman explained why his beard looked so funny. Then the kids all started talking at once saying things, like "Oh good, I thought you looked like a freak." or "You look like a monkey Mr. Bowman, I'm glad you aren't keeping it like that."
• There's a girl named Mackenzie who moved to Kennedy from a little community called Parker. She has a habit of burping and farting in class, then laughing really hard. One time she asked Mr. Bowman a question in front of the whole class and while he was answering, she began to dig up her nose. He turned around mid-sentence and asked me, "are you seeing this?!" I laughed so hard.
• I had to give a couple of kids a spelling test out in the hallway, because they were gone when the rest of the class took the test. When I gave the word, "year" I used it in a sentence: "You won't go to fifth grade next year if you don't get better at spelling." Then for the word, "stare" I said, "'Stare hard, retard' is not a very nice thing to say." I guess that's why I only get paid $8.86 an hour.